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The vote itself was anticlimactic, coming three weeks after the close of my defenseOnly the margin of defeat was in doubtI was just glad the ordeal was over for my family and my countryAfter the vote I said that I was profoundly sorry for what I had done to trigger the events and the great burden they imposed on the American people, and that I was rededicating myself to a time of reconciliation and renewal for AmericaI took one question: In your heart, sir, can you forgive and forget? I replied, I believe any person who asks for forgiveness has to be prepared to give it
After the impeachment ordeal, people often asked me how I got through it without losing my mind, or at least the ability to keep doing the jobI couldnt have done it if the White House staff and cabinet, including those who were angry and disappointed over my conduct, hadnt stayed with meIt would have been much harder if the American people hadnt made an early judgment that I should remain President and stuck with itIf more congressional Democrats had bailed out when it looked like the safe thing to do in January, after the story broke, or in August, after I testified to the grand jury, it would have been tough; instead, they rose to the challengeHaving the support of world leaders like Mandela, Blair, King Hussein, Havel, Crown Prince Abdullah, Kim Dae Jung, Chirac, Cardoso, Zedillo, and others whom I admired helped to keep my spirits upWhen I canvas gucci bags compared them with my enemies, as disgusted as I still was with myself, I figured I couldnt be all bad
The love and support of friends and strangers made a big difference; those who wrote to me or said a kind word in a crowd meant more than they will ever knowThe religious leaders who counseled me, visited me at the White House, or called to pray with me reminded me that, notwithstanding the condemnations I had received from some quarters, God is love
But the biggest factors in my ability to survive and function were personalHillarys brothers and my brother were wonderfully supportiveRoger joked to me that it was nice to finally be the brother who wasnt in troubleHugh came up from Miami every week to play UpWords, talk sports, and make me laughTony came over for our family pinochle matchesMy mother-in-law and Dick Kelley were great to me
Despite everything, our daughter still loved me and wanted me to stand my groundAnd, most important, Hillary stood with me and loved me through it allFrom the time we first met, I had loved her laughIn the midst of all the absurdity, we were laughing again, brought back together by our weekly counseling and our shared determination to fight off the right-wing coupI almost wound up being grateful to my tormentors: they were probably the only people who could have made me look good to Hillary againI even got off the couch
During the long year between the deposition in the Jones vintage chanel jewelry case and my acquittal in the Senate, on most of the nights when I was home in the White House I spent two to three hours alone in my office, reading the Bible and books on faith and forgiveness, and rereading The Imitation of Christ by Thomas?Kempis, the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, and several of the most thoughtful letters I had received, including a series of mini-sermons from Rabbi Menachem Genack of Englewood, New JerseyI was particularly affected by Seventy Times Seven, a book about forgiveness by Johann Christoph Arnold, the elder of Bruderhof, a Christian community with members in the northeastern United States and in England
I still have poems, prayers, and quotations that people sent me or put into my hand at public eventsAnd I have two stones with the New Testament verse John 8:7 inscribed on themIn what many people believe was Jesus last encounter with his critics, the Pharisees, they brought to him a woman caught in the act of adultery and said the law of Moses commanded them to stone her to deathThey taunted Jesus: What sayest thou? Instead of answering, Jesus leaned over and wrote on the ground with his finger, as if he had not heard themWhen they continued to ask, he stood and said: He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at herThose who heard him, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the lastWhen Jesus was alone rolex watches for sale in the uk with the woman, he asked her, Where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She answered, No man, Lord, and Jesus replied, Neither do I condemn thee
I had had a lot of stones cast at me, and through my own self-inflicted wounds I had been exposed to the whole worldIn some ways it was liberating; I had nothing more to hideAnd as I tried to understand why I had made my own mistakes, I also attempted to figure out why my adversaries were so consumed with hatred, and so willing to say and do things inconsistent with their professed moral convictionsI had always looked with a jaundiced eye at other peoples attempts to psychoanalyze me, but it did seem to me that many of my bitterest critics among the Far Right political and religious groups and the most judgmental members of the press had sought safety and security in positions where they could judge and not be judged, hurt and not be hurt
My sense of my own mortality and human frailty and the unconditional love Id had as a child had spared me the compulsion to judge and condemn othersAnd I believed my personal flaws, no matter how deep, were far less threatening to our democratic government than the power lust of my accusersIn late January, I had received a moving letter from Bill Ziff of New York, a businessman Id never met but whose son was a friend of mineHe said that he was sorry for the pain Hillary and I had endured but that much good had come of it, fendi handbags canada because the Americans people had shown maturity and judgment in seeing through the demonizing mullahs in our midstThough it was never your intention, you have done more to expose their underlying agenda than any President in history, including Roosevelt
Whatever the motives of my adversaries, it became clear, on those solitary nights in my upstairs office, that if I wanted compassion from others, I needed to show it, even to those who didnt respond in kindBesides, what did I have to complain about? I would never be a perfect person, but Hillary was laughing again, Chelsea was still doing well at Stanford, I was still doing a job I loved, and spring was on the way
O n February 19, a week after the Senate vote, I gave the first posthumous pardon ever granted by a President, to Henry Flipper, the first black graduate of West Point, who, because of his race, had been wrongfully convicted of conduct unbecoming an officer 117 years earlierSuch actions by a President may seem unimportant compared with the power of current events, but correcting historical mistakes matters, not only to the descendants of those who were wronged but to us all
In the last week of the month, Paul Begala announced his departure from the White HouseI had relished having Paul there, because he had been with me since New Hampshire and he was smart, funny, combative, and effectiveHe also had small children who deserved more time with their denim louis vuitton handbag father |
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